These Phrases shared by A Parent Which Helped Me as a First-Time Father

"I think I was merely just surviving for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of becoming a dad.

But the reality quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver as well as looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You aren't in a good spot. You need support. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more comfortable talking about the strain on moms and about PND, less is said about the difficulties dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to talk amongst men, who continue to hold onto negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a show of being weak to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a respite - going on a couple of days abroad, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, speak to a friend, your partner or a professional what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their stories, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the security and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their issues, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I think my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."